Sunday, 19 April 2015

The First Year

From the moment I was wheeled in for an emergency c section exactly one year ago today I knew I was in for a roller coaster ride of emotions and physicality. Max's first year on this earth has been the biggest learning experience. Before Max I had no idea how to change a nappy, make up a bottle, how excruciatingly painful breastfeeding was, how living off zero sleep turned me into a crazy woman, the list goes on. Every stage of Max's first year has been a complete world wind from his first true smile to him saying 'mumma' and 'dadda' for the very first time, the copious amounts of poo explosions again the list goes on. I cannot explain in words how much this little boy has changed our lives for the better. From a selfish girl who's life goal was to have this seasons mulberry handbag into a selfless woman who only exists to teach and show her child the right path in life.

Looking back I wish I had savoured his newborn first few months. Completely fatigued I dreamt of my little baby crawling, walking and playing with his toys sitting up. I never relished his squishy face, the amount of sleepless nights, the constant feeds, how much he slept during the day or how small and helpless he was. I suppose as a first time mummy you dream of a full nights sleep, less feeds and for your baby to give something back to you. Whilst writing this now I can feel myself tearing up. I just wish I had been in the moment a little bit more and listened to people when they annoyingly said 'he won't be this small forever' 'they grow so quickly' and 'don't wish his life away' damn you people, you're always right!

Max at one year of age is now a crawling machine, he understands what I'm saying when I talk to him, he points to birdies and cuddles me, his favourite film is Tangled, he has a wardrobe his daddy dreams of, he laughs at the silliest of things and most importantly is turning into the happiest little boy. Where exactly did my baby go? 

My hopes and dreams for Max is he stays a happy boy, he always smiles and he takes every opportunity that comes his way. I cannot believe in the next year he'll be walking, stringing sentences together, saying hello and goodbye, going on his first summer holiday and possibly starting nursery a few afternoons a week. He may even have a little brother and sister to play with, who knows! 

I never truly understood what love was until Max came along. I never truly understood how grateful I am for my own mother until Max came along. I never truly understood how much I love his father since Max came along, seeing them both together makes my heart burst with love and gratitude for how lucky I am to be blessed with such a gorgeous family.  What I do know and what I've know from the moment I fell pregnant, I'm happy and grateful I have Max in my life because without him I wouldn't feel so fulfilled and excited for each new day.

Maxi when you're able to read this I want to let you know I'm SO proud of you and I love you to the moon and back. Happy first birthday my darling, let's make year number two the best one yet!


Tuesday, 31 March 2015


For this weeks vlog I thought I would share a day in the life of an 11 month old baby. I hope you enjoy the video and please don't forget to subscribe :)

Monday, 23 March 2015

Why I'm A Stay At Home Mum

I was reading this article from the Daily Mail all about how mums these days are more likely to return to work after their maternity leave ends. It got me thinking, why am I a stay at home mum? What's enabled me to make the decision not to go back to work. 

Being a stay at home mum is tough, I can even say I find it harder than going to work. Gone are the days I can enjoy 2 minutes to myself with a hot cuppa, especially as Max is now crawling and into everything. There are lots of things I miss about working; having my own money, work banter, conversing with people who have something to talk about other than what their child had lunch that day. However much I miss my working life, I feel I've made the right decision to stay at home with Max and here's my reasons why. 

Childcare is expensive. To send Max to the nursery of my choice part time would cost just over £500 per month. Both our parents work Monday to Friday so they wouldn't be able to help out on the days Max wasn't in childcare. It just wouldn't make sense for the majority of my part time working wage to pay for nursery when he can be at home looked after by his mummy for free.

I want to be there for all of Max's milestones. Max is my first baby and I want to be there for every single moment of his life, I really don't want to miss a thing. From the first time he crawls, walks, says his first sentence etc. Not only are they Max's first milestones there also mine to experience too. It breaks Freddie's heart everytime I send him a video or photo of Max completely a new milestone, I couldn't imagine how I would feel!

My mum was never around. My mum was a single parent and worked her butt off to support my sister and I through school, college and university. My sister and I never missed a school trip, always had a new pencil case at the start of the school year and always had the money to catch the latest movie with our friends. This was all possible because she worked full time and at least 12 hours a day. As much as I appreciate all of her hard work in raising us, I really wished she was there standing for us at the school gates at the end of the day like all the other mums instead of our childminder. I really want to be the 'soccer mum' and attend every single sports day, football match, school play, governors meeting and Max's driver, ferrying him around to all of his extra curricular activities.

That brings me nicely onto my next point, We can kind of afford it at the moment. We've sold our flat and moved in with Freddie's parents, which means we have very little financial commitments. This may change very soon once we've found our dream house, but at the moment we can pretty much provide everything Max needs on just the one wage.

Max isn't ready for nursery. Max isn't the independent type of baby, he's a sensitive soul who needs constant reassurance, cuddles and attention. Would he get this in a nursery where theirs another 5-10 babies to cater to? That's my biggest worry, I want him to have all the attention he needs and I feel I can offer that to him at home. 

I don't want to let go. Max turns 1 next month and that's something I really need to come to terms with.  I'm not ready to admit my baby is growing up and that means I'm not ready to let him go off into childcare whilst I try and go back to my old day job. Is that selfish? Probably. Max like any other baby his age has a lot of stimulation at home as I try and attend a baby class at least once a day, interacting with a lot of children his own age. 

Whatever your decision is we all know our children and what's best for them. I feel in this instance Max for the time being he's better off at home with me. Who knows what can happen in the next 6 months, I may feel completely the opposite. In my head I'm hoping that I can be a stay at home mum at least until he's of school age. 

Are you a stay at home mum or working mum? What made you decide on being a stay at home mum or working mum? 


Thursday, 19 March 2015


For this weeks video I thought I'd show you what I picked up from Tesco and H&M for Max's Spring wardrobe. I absolutely love Tesco for baby clothes as the quality and affordability is amazing. I still need to pick up a few extra bits from baby Zara and Gap so part two of this haul will follow soon!

I hope you enjoy the haul video and please subscribe to my channel :)

Tuesday, 17 March 2015

Cow & Gate First Taste Pouches

When Max and I first started our weaning journey I couldn't wait to fill the freezer full of homemade yummy puree's. I purchased all the ingredients and got cooking, I was then quickly disheartened when he didn't take to my own cooking! What a waste of money! Looking back I should have purchased first taste pouches like these ones from Cow & Gate.

Monday, 16 March 2015


In this weeks vlog, Freddie and I stayed in the Hilton at Syon Park and left Max for the first time overnight. We celebrated my birthday by going into London for shopping and took Max to the Science Museum. Maxi and I met up with our NCT friends Emma and Eva and went to the farm for the first time.

I hope you enjoy this weeks vlog! Don't forgot to subscribe and like this video :)